N Blog (100822 17:07) – ‘~Nstory. 5~’



I really have no luck with things like auditions.

One has to be a beautiful girl,
Especially good at singing songs,
Good at explaining her style
Can dance

I sent five applications to the auditions

Those five failed.

I’m ordinary
With no forte.

Then, an e-mail.

The first application was examined and it most needed a picture taken with a cell phone included to pass the audition.

For that one, I was auditioning for a play with Momoe Yamaguchi
as the lead part.

Right before my eyes, I failed the audition at the very last moment…

What did I do…

Why did I…

For the first time, I felt frustrated.  I think then I began living with this regrettable feeling?

For the remainder of that depression, my mother would of course worry.  That day at dinner, we had carbonara.

It was dreadfully good, but
I started crying and my throat dried
I felt really foolish.

That taste I had forgotten about for my whole life.

And I thought it was from eating the carbonara.

At the next audition, I was there till the very end.  The audition was for three of us.  The next was no good, and I would have to become an ordinary college student and find employment.

So I decided.

With the rest, I was ordinary and nothing special.

I learned of “The last appropriate audition” by chance.

I thought, ‘What kind of audition is it?

On the paper, it said.

“An immediate debut to those unsigned”

“A specific location”

“But with unpleasant lessons”

How selfish.
The whole paper’s writing was selfish.

Imagining my way here, I was blessed with coming to find the audition poster.

So that one day, as I was walking down the street, I received many leaflets.

Within them were pink business card-sized leaflets.

“Akihabara48 Audition”

Akihabara… a budding group…

That was it.

I couldn’t do it.  Everyday on TV, there were features about that boom.  Somewhere, one could audition for a cute cafe.  I think it would be ambitious.


I would walk down the streets and always receive pink-colored leaflets…

I held onto them each time, and I was insistant that those leaflets were difficult to have.

And everyone got to audition!  A friend of a friend said, “But it’s Akihabara style”

I thought about her point of view

And then I stopped thinking

With that terrible feeling, I trembled.

Ordinarily, I would take advantage of this and send in!  I then made a decision.

“I’m out of pictures for applications on my phone!!!”

That night at home…

I felt a connection to something.

Was it ordinary to need to wait???

What I understood was that Akihabara48 was making a group audition, and it wasn’t likely I’d make it to the end…


But with Akihabara48,

It was out of the question.

I thought about it with ease.
How I thought of Akihabara48 so thoughtlessly.
But for myself, I wanted to audition
And how often would “myself” get to choose what to do

I tried it out.

But I thought
I would unexpectedly change my e-mail to send it.

In life, one has the choice between left and right
And with things like this, you can “sleep on”
We live for just
One hundreth of a second, always
Getting to choose.

But in my composition, I think I missed it about life and left and right.

I said that I found that audition by chance,

So I think it was a long-shot.
It’s often the case with a magazine’s brochure

“Will I get into AKB?”
I then questioned

I understood all of the members

“My friends recommended it”
“I want to become an idol”

… Each said something, but

Deep in my insides, I began to cry about the event and understood how it was so selfish.

Until now, I remember answering.

As one would expect

“The pink-colored, insistant leaflets”

I answered (laughs)

But that’s what I thought.

“Pink-colored, insistant leaflets”
It seems like a
“Treasured e-mail”
And it seems like it
“Somehow or other” doesn’t really matter

It was a “Chance”

Frequently earth-shattering, unexpected and inevitable


A miracle

I blocked it out.


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