N Blog (101107 12:31) – ‘~N Story. 7~’

~N Story. 7~
“Declaration”

I am that woman (is what Shinobu-san said)

“I say, I have a little opportunity”

That one word is why I’m in AKB.

As I had said, sending those pictures in the mail

Was required to pass…

And then I prayed

For just a few days.

But i wasn’t contacted.  Slowly, it became time for it to come…

My anxiety couldn’t be helped and I had to go to school.  Nothing changed and I had to go to go back and forth to school everyday uneventfully.

My one close friend Chihiro really listened to me talked eccentricly.
We went back to the same train station to return home together.
Two people, going down the Tamagawa, studying hard, swearing to have their dreams granted.

Other than college, we thought about our true colors in school.

To become a celebrity was my dream.  How could anyone get to that status?  So, I

If only Chiriro and  I could come out with our dreams.

So then it would be possible to say, but

We’d say we were to become

Architects.
But, after a little while, AKB’s audition was something I was seriously burdened by, and to come out with that fact, was to come out with everything.

Now Akihabara48, an idol group, was having an audition.  At first, didn’t thing anything of it, but then I think I was serious about passing.  I really thought I wanted to become an architect.  As a child, I thought about getting into show business.  It was a reckless challenge, but wanted to support myself in this path.

Chihiro was amazing to Natsuki!!!  She was supportive!!!!  And she said I sparkled dazzlingly.

Usually seeing these dazzling eyes

I was now fading and feeling anxious.

My new “declaration” would meet more resistance than my old one.

I would definitely be victorious!

This year would be the one when I would go out for a drama!

It was daringly bold to be able to say something like that.
If I lost?
If I wouldn’t be able to act for a drama?

How would I say it?
I’d be embarrassed by something like that….

I had something of a weak sensation.
I was always in a “weak mood” and was comprised mostly of my humanly character.  I was able to make a declaration of that.

Ordinarily at this time, Chihiro would say
“You should definitely go for it and I’ll support you if that’s what you want”

Her words

“Definitely go for it” were a complete declaration to me.
Surely those words would ease my anxiety.

Why did I think about these strong words

On the contrary

I had a feeling of seriousness, and it was uncool

To be so serious.

And this remind me of the Janken Pon Tournament.
I went into Budokan in the morning

“Would I win?”
“Now, would they take pictures?”
“What would I say if I won?”

That’s what I said.

My mind asked those questions.

Here, unless I won, I’d be embarrassed.  Someday, in a ‘making of’ DVD, I’d be embarrassed by the victory.
If I won!

That’s what I thought.

The result was that I didn’t get first place

“Selected for 7th place”

My friends said and I was left feeling powerful.
Where was that ‘making of’ shot that would show my form at the time?

“I said I’d get first place, but I got 7th place”

I said it was

“Painful”

And it seemed like I was safe and my mind could rest.

At the time of the audition, I faded
But absolutely pressed on
I think I said if was all for repentance.

After all, it was disagreeable, but at the same time I think I didn’t believe it myself.
The result was important, but was what was most important whether or not I was serious about it?
I finally left my regrets behind!

Chihiro constantly came out for me every day.
By force I would say I was checking my phone for the time more often.

Such that one day
While cleaning after school
A voice mail was left on my cell phone’s answering machine.

I stopped bringing my mobile phone to school…

I asked if it could be permitted

And I was promptly called by Chihiro

“Perhaps the results of the applications had come in!!!” I said

The two of us went into a bathroom.

The answering machine’s playback…

“… Hello, Akihabara48 is returning contact”

Beep Beep Beep

I was ready to make that phone call.

~N Story. 7~

“Declaration”

http://blog.watanabepro.co.jp/satounatsuki/archives/2010/11/story_5.html

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