N Blog (2011-06-09 21:33:18) – ‘I’m very thankful. ☆〃’

Original Entry
(2011-06-09 21:33:18)

Everyone,
The general election is over!!

First of all,

I want to say that I’m very thankful.

This year’s election
Seems to have gone by so quickly!

We always hold a meeting
And they are quick with counting the ballots.

Honestly, I was really worried for a long time.

Being human,

I put myself in this kind of environment,
And can I view this environment
With different perspectives.

In a school environment, one uses their grade as a frame of reference. For further contexts, they can look at their class, group, club, committee, etc.

In a company, there’s your department.

Do you see the different “frames” one can use?

I thought about them.

I, Natsuki Sato, am, in reality, no good.

To start with,
In the AKB context,
I did not rank in the top 40 places.

Next
In the Team B context,
As a member, I did not rank.

Next
In my agency’s context,
I did not rank, and
I was the only member not to do so…

I feel like…

I am burdened with this mood of isolation.

These are my hardships.

When they were counting up the ballots for the members,
I thought about all of this.

Every year when they count up the ballots, I decide to

Look at my surroundings.

Last year when it was all over, I turned around to bow to those behind me. I was greeted with kind clapping, saving me from my useless self.

This year, I thought,

“There are many other members feeling the same way…”

It’s natural, as there were

150 people entered into the election.

110 of them certainly felt frustrated now,
And all of their fans felt the same way, too.

Not getting ranked really is a frustrating feeling.

But even getting ranked is

Frustrating.

That feeling is everywhere.

I thought from that perspective,

Regardless of AKB,
Regardless of Team B,
Regardless of being the sole unranked one in my agency.

AKB’s manager and my agency’s manager, these authority figures, what do they think of me? I turned around thinking it was just like last year.

Originally,
I had no confidence in myself.

Practically every day, I thought about how there was always a girl

That was cuter than me,
That was a better singer than me,
That was a better dancer than me,
That was smarter than me.

But

That isn’t the important thing!

It’s all in

The way you look at it.

All of these excessive

Frames of reference
That tell me I’m hopeless,
And I believe them at first.

Surely they might be important…

As a part of
AKB, Team B, and my agency, these various environments

Make me feel like I, as Natsuki Sato, am defined by these contexts.

Besides,
There can only be one winner,

So I have to deal with these things.

This year, I have felt sad and depressed.

Such feelings tell me

I’m unnecessary.

Now I’m not.

Because

I know everyone feels like how I do.

I like everyone, so
I want to help everyone.

I’ll get everyone to smile, so
I get to smile.

I get to smile, so I want
Everyone to get to smile.

My dream is

Not just for myself.

It’s for everyone.

And everyone’s dreams are my dreams.

So,

My dream is

To help with everyone’s dreams.

In this way, now I
Can really go for it for

My family, friends, myself,

And everyone,

So I can see their delighted faces.

Well,
My wording is poor,
But I hope you can understand my message.

I will now persevere to my defeat,
Even in crushing situations,
Trying to stay composed.
“Like last year, I was hopeful in my blog entries,” is what I’ll say.
Am I right in saying that?
And do I think
That through searching,
I’ve been honest about it?
This year, I’ll be honest in what I write.

When I write,
Sometimes I think about
Feelings like

“Sadness,” “Pain,” “Quitting,” and “Disagreements.”

Last year, I had pessimistic expectations on my blog
That I apologize for…
What more can I say?

But this year is

A brand new experience.

Will it be frustrating?
Yes, it will be, but

I must persevere and go for it, so I can see everyone’s smiles.

While

Now I might feel sad about the results after they’ve finished,

My sadness

Will be cleared away by
Tomorrow,

Through the passage of time

Now at this moment, I must switch over to be persistent.

It’s for my dreams!

The shows aren’t over!
The radio is still on!
I want to go to Korea for work
And be a regular on television!
I will work with Minami Akina one day!

I have not yet reached my goals.

They’re my dreams.

And for them, I’ll persevere.

Everyone, let’s go for it together.

The number one dream

Of mine

Is to grant everyone’s dreams.

Thank you so much.

Really, I love you all so much.

I wish you lots of food, lots of sleep
And lots of laughter.

Thank you very much for today.

Tomorrow, let’s persevere together.

I love you all…

Well

I love you.

Good night.

I’m going to sleep.

Thank you

For your wonderful love.

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One Response

  1. Natsuki’s entry emphasises how tough it is for those girls who don’t feature in the top 40. Particularly those who’ve missed out consistently. I wish I could get a message to her to say how much she’s appreciated. She seems to have worked her way through the disappointment but I think the senbatsu elections put the girls through too much stress and soul-searching simply for our entertainment and should end.

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